The Zodiac Signs Hit Up the Office Party

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Zodiac Signs Hit Up the Office Party
Zodiac Signs Hit Up the Office Party

Do you really need a reason to have a party at work? After all, it’s a great excuse to get out of actually doing any work, and we can always use the buzz words “networking event” and “team building” to get management to give the green light. Booze sure does lift morale, and if we have to be at the office, we might as well have a good time. What if the Zodiac Signs were people?

Let’s see how each Zodiac Sign sign hits up the office party.

Aries

The party doesn’t really start until Aries arrives— probably fashionably late and ready to give you sh*t if you show up a minute behind schedule. Hey, do as they say, not as they do, right? You’ll find them busting a move on the dance floor, and if there’s not a dance floor, they’ll be sure to make one even if it’s on top of someone’s desk. They’ll be the one laughing with a drink in hand and plenty of song suggestions in case the playlist gets lame. If a fight breaks out, you can be pretty sure Aries instigated it if they weren’t the ones to throw the first punch, and if that happens, just don’t expect them to admit it. They’ll be having the best time and loving life — as long as no one gets in their way.

Taurus

Taurus will definitely be hanging with the work-wife/hubby and talking crap about everyone else. They’ll also having something to say about the quality of the event—the venue, the catering, the food, the cheap drinks, and the awful self-appointed DJ they warned everyone about. It likely won’t meet their exacting measures, but they’ll make themselves comfy and settle for b*tching up a storm about it and having the best time in their own way.

Gemini

If there’s a drinking game going on, Gemini is the culprit! Same goes if anyone starts a massively inappropriate game of Twister or Spin the Bottle that will have HR’s heads spinning. Expect them to either be the life of the party or the one trying to have a pissing match on who’s the better worker. If they’re laughing and generally making jokes, you’ll definitely want to be right by their side, but if they start talking performance reviews, better escape to the bar with a quickness.

Cancer

Want to find Cancer? Check the bathroom. They’re probably holding back Karen’s hair while she tosses her cookies after imbibing a little too much of the free cheap booze and holding Sally’s hand after her ex in Billing showed up to the office party with a new plus-one. Cancers will definitely be keeping everyone hydrated, making sure everyone gets a safe ride home, and maybe even wading into someone’s relationship with some unsolicited advice. If you need help, just ask Cancer, but if you want them to help less or to stop helping entirely because it’s way too much, then say it very nicely and then get out of there! I’m not saying they have fierce tempers, but do I really need to say it?

Leo

If there’s a crowd around anyone at a party, you’ve found Leo. They can’t help it they have such a magnetic presence, can they? It’s not their fault everyone wants to be near them. They’ll be soaking it in and trying to upstage Aries for attention. It could get interesting. If they aren’t in such a great mood, expect Leo to be the lead in any office drama playing out—fights, tears, shouting matches, inappropriate declarations. It could be anything! Just be sure that they won’t be happy until all eyes are on them, so maybe give them the attention they crave before things get ugly, mmkay?

Virgo

If you want it done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. At least, that’s what Virgos think. They’ll probably be the ones planning the office party—and then micromanaging it. Whatever you do, don’t sit your cup down without a coaster, and you better throw it away before they catch you trying to just leave it. They hate messes. Sure, they’ll clean it up if they have to, but they’d rather delegate it to someone else or follow you around until you finally get the message. They might be so busy planning and managing the party that they forget to actually enjoy it, but they’ll enjoy it later when they look back on how well they ran it and what a good job they did pulling it all off with absolutely no help from anyone else.

Libra

Get out the popcorn because Libra will be the show you want to watch. You can guaran-damn-tee they’ll be making out with someone at the office party, trying to sneak in a quickie in a broom closet, or finally making their move on the office cutie they’ve been eyeing. Googly eyes and loved-up dancing that makes everyone else uncomfortable could happen. It’s totally possible. But if they aren’t feeling the love, they’ll be the ones telling you all about the dramatic highs and lows of their current relationship. Or weeping in the bathroom that the one they love just isn’t feeling it. Or confronting someone who they feel rejected them—in front of everyone. When they aren’t soaking up the love, they’ll definitely be getting the dish on everyone else—and then serving it up around the water cooler the next business day.

Scorpio

All right, this could go one of two ways. Scorpios will either be practicing their inspirational TED talk and expect you to be appropriately attentive and appreciative, or they’ll be waging war. Seriously, it’s one or the other. Either they’re confronting the annoying coworker, calling out their boss, or throwing punches, or they’ll be giving everyone a motivational talk based entirely on their own personal success story. There could be a quiz. Maybe take notes! And if punches start getting thrown, duck and get out of there!

Sagittarius

Get ready to be treated to all of Saggy’s travel photos. They’ve been to cool places, and you’re going to be regaled with all of them. Or they’ll be performing amateur comedy hour by the water cooler. Laughter will only encourage them. Of course, it’s better that they tell all the jokes than show up at the party in a bad mood. Low vibing Sagittarians can be hyper-critical, and that could really harsh the party buzz. Better let them crack their jokes and show off their travel knowledge. Otherwise, expect to be a target for their mood along with everyone else.

Capricorn

See Cap. See Cap work. See Cap work, work, work. Do they do anything else? If anyone brought business cards to an office party, it’s Capricorn. You might find them kissing the boss’s backside, hopefully not literally, to up their chances of a raise or promotion (both, preferably) or plying colleagues with alcohol to get the scoop that’ll help them rise to the top faster. Don’t think they aren’t having fun though. Whatever happens at the party, they’ll be planning to use to their full advantage and may snap the damning photos just as a backup if Plan A, B, or C falls through.

Aquarius

Just when you thought the office got cool and hired a psychic, you realize it’s just Aries. Palm reading, tarot cards, acting as a Medium to help you contact your beloved childhood pet Sparky… Aquarius can do it all. Aquarius will probably be telling you they’re praying for you or sending you good vibes, all the while judging you for the drinks you’re clutching in either hand. Eventually, they’ll wander off to gaze at the stars or read someone tea leaves, happier to focus on themselves and their visions than on what song is currently playing or which coworker is having big-time office drama.

Pisces

Wasn’t there a drinking game going on? That’s where you’ll find Pisces if they aren’t tossing all their cookies in the nearest restroom. If that doesn’t work out, look for them at the bar. They’ll be hanging out there trying to avoid people before finally realizing that’s where everyone wants to be at an office party. That’s when the booze will go into a handy to-go cup for the rideshare home.

Office parties can be excruciatingly awful or more fun than we might want to remember on the next business day. Either way, they’ll make for a good story to tell for years, long after it’s funny or relatable.

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