What Kills Off the Zodiac Signs

What Kills Off the Zodiac Signs
What Kills Off the Zodiac Signs

None of us knows when or how we’re going to die, but all of us certainly wonder about it now and again. Right? Well, if the Zodiac Signs were people, they might, too! So, what would kill them off? Let’s have a look at that!

(Are these accurate? I sure hope not!)


Fighting. As in life, so in death. Ram, you’ll go out kicking! It’ll happen during a bar brawl or something, right? WRONG. You could end up at death’s door during a jousting tournament. Yeah, on a horse, like a knight of ye olden days. RIP.


Death by food. It won’t be from choking on a bite of food or an allergic reaction, no. You’ll choke on an ENTIRE cupcake (or other large food item) lodged in your throat. See, someone’ll say you can’t fit an entire cupcake in your mouth. You’ll prove them wrong, of course. But at what cost, Bull? AT WHAT COST?!


Spontaneous human combustion. Maybe your mind will become too powerful and you’ll explode. Perhaps a magical enemy will cast a combustion spell on you. I don’t know the exact mechanism, but there’s a chance you’ll die from spontaneous human combustion, Twins.


Natural causes. Based on the alignment of the Moon and the Sun, you’ll likely pass peacefully in your sleep, surrounded by the people you love. Caring Crab, you can live a fulfilling, beautiful life. You will be missed dearly by many when you go to the Other Side.


Smothered. Specifically, you could be buried under piles of gifts that your adoring fans shower upon you. It’ll just be too much and you won’t be able to get out. Unable to breathe, you’ll die, Lion. Too much of a good thing can be pretty freaking bad


Segway accident. You can’t really trust technology, Virgin. There’s a chance you’ll die in some horrific, weird segway accident, like unwittingly driving off a cliff or losing control and rolling into traffic. Be careful out there.


Bad luck. Scales, your death will come as a shock to everyone — mostly because you’ll likely die in a very strange manner. Maybe you’ll stub your toe, get an infection and die. Perhaps falling space debris will crush you to death. Indeed, a bout of bad luck could be your downfall.


Death by passion. I don’t mean you’re going to be killed by a lover in some crime of passion. No, no. You’ll likely die in the throes of a passionate act when you’re an older adult and your poor, feeble heart will give out. At least you’ll die doing what you love, right, Scorpio?


Extreme sports accident. There’s a pretty good chance you’ll meet your end during some sort of adventurous expedition, like skydiving or paragliding. To be more specific, you could accidentally fall into a volcano. Oops, Archer.


Poison. You’ll most likely be killed off later in life by greedy offspring or a spouse. Fortunately, you’ll probably pass away on your own private island, surrounded by enormous piles of money. It’s not the worst way to go, huh? Watch your back, Goat.


Too much research. One day you’ll become so engrossed in a conspiracy theory that you’ll spend days and nights doing research to uncover the truth, unwilling to leave your studies for even a moment. Eventually you’ll wither away to nothing and die. Pace yourself, Water Bearer.


Demon exorcism. Look, Fishes, your Zodiac has one of the closest connections to the Other Side. If you end up doing a seance or something, you could become possessed. And then you’ll need an exorcism. Now, not everyone who gets exorcised dies, of course. But you could! Maybe. Use protection, my friend.

The truth is, death is inevitable and unpredictable and that’s scary. But it’s also something you can laugh and joke about. After all, laughter can make the inevitability of our doom a bit less terrifying. Remember this: we weren’t born to die. We’re here to live! So, live in laughter and love, friend.

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