As the sun set on the signs’ first day stranded on a deserted island, Libra stared off into the horizon. “It’s so romantic, isn’t it?”
“It’s not romantic — it’s depressing,” Scorpio said as she threw a bunch of sticks down to make a campfire. In her mind, she was making note of everyone in their group and contemplating which of them would be likeliest to eat her first.
While Scorpio was working on the fire, Aries ran over with a bottle of alcohol. “Hey, I totally stole this from Pisces. Wanna drink it together?”
“Hell, yes,” Scorpio said. And after they got the fire going, they sat by its glow passing the drink back and forth.
As he stared into the flames, Aries said, “You know, all I’m saying is that someone’s going to have to repopulate the species after all these other losers are gone.” And Scorpio thought he had a good point.
Meanwhile, Capricorn was trying to build a shelter while groaning to herself that no one wanted to help out. She didn’t appreciate Virgo sitting off to the side criticizing her as she tried to put the structure together. “Mm, that’s not the way I would do it,” Virgo said as Capricorn stuck a few branches into the ground. “Hey, that palm frond is blowing away!”
Gemini ran over to catch the leaf before the wind took it and brought it back. “So, Virgo, you’re just going to complain about what’s wrong without helping?”
“Uh, yeah,” Virgo said, as if it were obvious.
Cancer then came over, more than ready and willing to make herself useful, but that didn’t last long. Capricorn didn’t have much patience for Cancer’s attitude — or her tying skills — or anything about her, really. So that ended with Cancer off to the side, sniffling in tears and wondering why no one cared about her feelings while Virgo and Capricorn both rolled their eyes in disgust.
Gemini helped for a little while, but got bored. Damn, he missed his cellphone.
Not far away, Aquarius was collecting coconuts from trees to try and build a telephone system. The others said it was a stupid idea, but he was pretty sure this was about to be revolutionary. He was more annoyed, however, by the presence of Taurus, who was following him around complaining about the lack of decent cuisine on the island.
“I’m SOOO hungry,” she sobbed. “Why isn’t there anything to eat here?”
“Plenty of coconuts,” Aquarius said. “I could probably spare one if you’re really that hungry. Or better yet, go off with Sagittarius and Leo on their hunting trip. Standing around whining about it won’t do you much good.”
“I don’t want coconuts and stringy animal corpses — I want real food! Where’s the pizza, the chicken parm subs, the hot French fries?”
As Aquarius not-so-gently tried to explain that Taurus’s standards were way too high, Sagittarius and Leo made their way off into the unknown parts of the island looking for more substantial edible vegetation and wildlife. The last thing Sagittarius had wanted was to bring Leo, but he’d insisted. Apparently he felt like it was his job to do the brave thing and take care of everyone.
Sagittarius didn’t let it bother him too much. As they explored the thick undergrowth of the forest, he said, “Well, I guess we can cross this one off the bucket list! I’ve always wanted to visit a deserted island.”
“Never really thought about it,” Leo said, “But I see no problem with living it up while we’re here. Just picture me with a castle on my own island. Fantastic.”
Unfortunately, Leo wouldn’t get to have his own castle after all. Instead, he shortly found himself in a brawl with a venomous snake in an effort to protect Sagittarius and fell to his doom.
Sagittarius was the only one to return from the expedition hours later, with a few small prey that he’d caught thanks to everyone’s excitement except Taurus. He was a little uncomfortable about having to explain Leo’s death to the group as he sat down with the others at their campfire, but he was interrupted when a previously missing Pisces stumbled out of the trees and asked, “What did you guys do with all my rum?!”
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