Spotting The Zodiac Signs at the Holiday Party

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Holiday Party
Holiday Party

Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Tis the season to be jolly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Don we now our party apparel. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Prepare for drinking, fights, and carols. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

That’s right: time to don your party gear and head out to the office holiday party. It makes for great people-watching, and the best office parties will throw in a free drink or two. It won’t be enough; hence your office flask. After all, you’re not getting paid to be there, and you’re trying to remember why exactly you decided to hang out with your coworkers off the clock. Oh, well. Free booze and a holiday bonus can’t hurt. Let’s go spot some sun signs at a holiday party.

Aries

Get the Party Started was probably a song written with an Aries in mind because that’s just what they’ll be doing. Cracking jokes, pouring drinks, directing the DJ on what to play next, and being first out on the dance floor could all be markers that you’ve spotted an Aries. Expect whatever gift they brought for Secret Santa or the gift exchange to be a gag gift, and don’t be surprised if they start to drink too much and then decide the party needs a little fight to spice things up. I’m not saying they’ll be the one throwing punches, although it’s possible, But a fight may just be another thing they got started.

Taurus

If there’s a complainer at the party, you can be sure it’s Taurus. The venue isn’t nice enough, the booze is definitely so far from the top shelf it was probably sitting on the floor, the catering is sub-par, and what the holy crap is the DJ playing now??? And these chairs… could they BE more uncomfortable? They’ll be evaluating the gift exchange, too, for equivalency. Of course, you might find them hanging out with their work bestie or work wife having the best time ever picking apart the party. Hey, the booze may be cheap, but it’s still effective!

Gemini

As the Twin of the Zodiac, Gemini could go in one of two directions at the holiday party. They’ll either be up cracking jokes, dancing, and generally being the life of the party, or they’ll be out there finding a way to turn the whole night into a competition. Placing bets on who brought the worst holiday gag gift, challenging colleagues to darts or another office sport, or trying to get a peek of your holiday bonus to see how it measures up to their own. Do not argue with a Gemini if you want to enjoy your holiday party. Do, however, hang out with them if they’re deep into a full-blown comedy routine because that will definitely be a good time.

Cancer

Find Cancers easily at the holiday party because they’re probably holding up Janet’s hair in the bathroom while she vomits up her regrets about sleeping with that guy in Accounting. Or passing water around to the boozy sun signs that are showing signs of saying something to the boss that they really shouldn’t. Cancers are super loving, but they’ve got that nurturing vibe in spades, so if you don’t want help with your problem, you’ll have to tell them. Otherwise, they may be tempted to mediate your marriage unbeknownst to you before gifts are exchanged or, for the singles, try to set you up with someone else’s plus one they’re sure you’d be great with. Of course, if you want to tell them to back off, do so gently and then get away quick—just to be safe.

Leo

It’s entirely possible that Leo will be in the thick of the action—whether that’s a big fight, major drama, or even a scene of a good time. High-vibing Leos will be leading the party vibe, for sure, likely trying to wrestle away control from Aries. Aries may have gotten the party started, but Leos rule all social events. Of course, a low-vibing, high-alcohol-content Leo might be the one who has your back in a fight or may be starting it with their defensiveness and full-on aggression. Maybe mix up some regular holiday egg nog with the boozy kind to make sure Leo doesn’t reach that point. If Leo is having a good time, everyone is having a good time, but the reverse could hold true, too.

Virgo

If you spot someone not on the catering crew passing around appetizers, pouring drinks, or cleaning up a mess, it just might be a Virgo. After all, they’re not cool with mess. At all. While they’d prefer the staff to take care of it, they’ll pitch in if needed to create order. They’ll definitely be rearranging the gift pile at some point because everyone knows you can’t just throw your gift on the pile any which way. Oh, you can also find them near the holiday tree, fixing the ornament placement and generally tsk tsk-ing that it wasn’t done their way the first time. You know, the right way.

Libra

If Libra is having an affair with someone in the office, you might all find out at the holiday party. Or, more likely, you’ll be treated to the highs and lows of whatever current relationship they find themselves in. An in-love Libra will be decking the halls with abandon while a heartbroken Libra will be weeping into tissues and threatening to deck someone’s halls for not being their happily ever after. It could get pretty dicey. They might just be the ones hooking up with a crush at the holiday party, using this as a prime make-out opportunity. Of course, if their love life is somewhere in between, you’ll likely find them getting the scoop about everyone else, inadvertently of course. Not that they’d share it around or anything. (But they definitely will.) If you got sick or just had the sense to miss the holiday party, just check with Libra, and they’ll give you a play by play.

Scorpio

If there’s a fight at the holiday party, you’ve spotted a Scorpio in the thick of it. Seriously. I’m not kidding. To say they are aggressive is a massive understatement. In fact, I’m pretty sure someone picked them up a voucher for an anger management class for Secret Santa. Of course, if they’re high-vibing, they’ll be the ones holding the inspirational talk about their most recent comeback, probably over by the bar but if there’s a stage, they could certainly take it. You’ll prefer the talk to the fight though, even if there is a PowerPoint presentation with the talk. Just sayin’.

Sagittarius

If there’s a Sagittarius having a good time at an office party, you’ll find them deep in the middle of a crowd holding everyone in thrall. Cracking jokes and telling all their travel stories, Saggy can be a real good time. Until they’re not. If they hate their job, they might show up to the office party in a mood—criticizing the party, throwing condescension toward their colleagues and their plus-one guests, and generally bringing down the party vibe. It really all depends.

Capricorn

If you spot someone networking at the holiday party, you’ve discovered a Capricorn. They might be handing out business cards to a new acquaintance, or they might be over there schmoozing the boss and plying them with alcohol to talk promotions. Capricorn will almost certainly use the party to get ahead at work, so don’t be surprised if they act like they’re enjoying all of it, even though they’ll put on a disapproving face for any fights they witness while simultaneously calculating how best to use it to their advantage. Don’t think they aren’t enjoying themselves though. Capricorn in networking and suck-up mode is a happy Cap.

Aquarius

No, I’m pretty sure the office didn’t book a psychic or tarot card reader for the party. That’s just Aquarius, happy to give you a reading even mid-party. Or, on the other side of the spectrum, they’ll be happy to let you know they’ve been praying for you. While that might be awkward with the drink in your hand, you’ll soon fill up on enough cheap booze that you won’t mind it. Aquarius will be the first to wander off to some secret corner–an office that looks cozy, a starry space on the roof where they can contemplate life, or even leaving the party entirely to focus on themselves.

Pisces

If you want to spot a Pisces, try the bar. Or the bathroom throwing up the drinks they had at the bar. But most likely, they’ll be refilling their glass and trying to avoid people-ing. Find them on the edges of a crowd, drink in hand, trying to decide if it’s time to call for their DD to take them home so they can open up the wine they’ve been saving for a special occasion. You know, like a Tuesday.

The halls have been decked, but hopefully the boss hasn’t been. Secrets have been spilled along with drinks, and there’s a good chance that someone had sex in some private office—although if you want to know who, just ask Libra. If it wasn’t them, they’ll have the skinny on exactly who was canoodling with who. Or is it whom? Guess I’ve had a bit too much of the egg nog myself. As the holiday winds down, be sure Virgo will stay behind to give last-minute instructions to the cleaning crew, Cap will count up all their business cards before taking a sensible cab home, and Aquarius may wander down from the roof and realize the party is over. All the sun signs will find their way to their beds—or someone else’s—and will wait until tomorrow before deciding if they have any regrets.

Happy Holidays!