Sugar, Spice and Some Other Stuff: What Is Each Zodiac Sign Made Of?


You know those various “Ingredients of the Zodiacs” memes that have gone around on social media? There are various incarnations by different pages (and whomever was first, do let us know so we can give you credit!) making the rounds on Facebook and Insta. Well, I felt challenged by said memes and decided to rise to the occasion and create my own list, but with actual knowledge of astrology and the archetypes to inform the making of my inventory of ingredients. Take that, Facebook memes!


The Ram is made up of the color of brimstone fires in Hell (e.g. red), honeysuckle and sweetpeas, glittering diamonds, iron ore, the song “Light My Fire” by The Doors, the blood of America’s founding fathers, the smell of bourbon and an underground fight club, the left toe of a Cyclops, and a dash of paprika.


The Bull is devised of the gentleness of mauve and pale blue, poppies and violets, shards of emerald, copper wires, the song “Buttered Popcorn” by The Supremes, the blood of Leondaro da Vinci’s third cousin, the smell of dirty socks and a Chinese Buffet, the throat of the Minotaur, and a handful of paprika.


The Twins are molded with an obnoxiously bright yellow, lavender and Lily of the Valley, a cluster of agate stones, a droplet of mercury, the song “The Twa Sisters” by Clannad, the blood of those creepy girls from “The Shining”, the smell of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and spray paint, the spleen of a Chimera, and a teaspoon of sumac extract.


The Crab is an assemblage of shimmering silver and sea green, Larkspur and Acanthus flowers, crushed pearls, silver ore, the song “It’s My Party” by Leslie Gore, the blood of Mickey Mouse, the smell of a thousand tears and fresh bandages, the heart of the Hydra, and a cup of salt.


The Lion is crafted with the radiance of gold and orange solar rays, sunflowers and marigolds, finely cut rubies, heaps of gold coins, the song “Smelly Cat” by Lisa Kudrow, the blood of every monarch ever, the smell of a hot summer day and wet cats, the spine of the Sphinx, and a dash of cinnamon.


The Virgin is a mixture of cooling navy blue and gray, morning glory and pansies, seventy sapphires, a beaker of mercury, the song “Get Balsamic Vinegar… Quick You Fool!” by Snow Patrol, the blood of the Iron Giant, the sound of Gandalf screaming, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS,” the smell of a computer room and epsom salt, the intestines of a Pegasus, and a heaping pile of coffee grounds.


The Scales are a concoction of romantic blue and lavender, roses and cosmos, an even number of perfectly oval opals, a copper mug, the song “Button Up Your Overcoat” by Ruth Etting, the blood of Eleanor Roosevelt’s descendants, the smell of a United Nations conference room and Gucci perfume, the intestines of Medusa, and a dash of turmeric.


The Scorpio is composed of passionate burgundy and crimson, chrysanthemum and rhododendron flowers, a pound of topaz, plutonium, the song “Faucet Failure” by Ski Mask V Slump God, the blood of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey’s secret love child, the smell of an adult Halloween party in a NYC nightclub and s’mores, one hundred and one feathers plucked from a Phoenix, and a pinch of saffron.


The Archer is sculpted with optimistic purple, narcissus flowers and dandelions, tons of turquoise, a tin hat, the song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel, the blood of the young and the restless, the smell of tobacco chew and bails of hay, the ass of a Centaur, and a tablespoon of thyme.


The Goat is built with classy dark green and brown, fresh cut carnations, a ring of garnet, lead paint, the song “Sky’s the Limit” by the Notorious B.I.G., the blood of Fortune 500 CEOs, the smell of new leather seats and sweaty pantsuits (AKA desperation), the jawbones of the Chupacabra, and a handful of ground pepper.


The Water Bearer is pieced together with electrifying sky blue, a bundle of orchids, a bowl of amethyst gems, a uranium bomb, the song “Smarter Than U” by the Undertones, the blood of Gordon Ramsay, the smell of pigeons and freshly brewed tea (served boiling hot), bloody scales ripped off a Siren, and a 12 ounce spray bottle of mace.


The Fishes is forged with dreamy turquoise and pale green from the sea, white poppies and water lilies, aquamarine necklace and earrings set, platinum wind chimes, the song “Spirit Phone” by Lemon Demon, the blood of the Oracle of Delphi, the smell of seaweed and alcoholism, the brain of a Water Dragon, and a dash of cardamom.

Of course the Zodiacs aren’t REALLY made up of these weird and random things, but it’s certainly entertaining (and enlightening) to think about what would go into each Sign if, say, the Professor from The Powerpuff Girls made each of the Zodiacs in his underground lab. What’s your take? Do these ingredients resonate with your Zodiac spirit?

Copyright 2024