The Zodiac Signs as Conspiracy Theories

Zodiac Signs as Conspiracy Theories
Zodiac Signs as Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy theory or clever deductions? You’ll have to be the judge of that. The Zodiac Signs may not universally buy into every conspiracy theory on the planet, but if the Signs were people, here are a few that they might have bought hook, line, and sinker. After all, if it seems legit and you read it on the Internet, it must be true, right?


You always knew Big Brother existed — now we just call them Siri and Alexa and ask them to play our favorite playlist. But you’re not fooled. You’ve got your tinfoil hat, a loathing for microwaves, and a great suspicion of your phone and its apps. It’s surely no coincidence that you mentioned macaroni the other day to a friend on the phone, and all of a sudden Amazon wants to add a big ass box of macaroni to your cart and Facebook thinks you should see an ad about the top mac-n-cheese recipes. You’re not saying it’s Big Brother —only that’s absolutely what you’re saying.


You like to keep things simple, and aliens just make sense. All that Universe out there? We can’t possibly be alone in it. Besides, instead of trying to puzzle out the pyramids or any number of natural and man-made wonders, you’re just sure that aliens — smarter, more sophisticated ones—were involved.


Secret societies controlling the world? Sounds about right to you, Gem. After all, if there are secret societies, and you’re not telling, it would make total sense that a Gem would head it. Hypothetically, of course.


The Moon Landing was definitely a hoax. There’s just no way someone landed up there and walked on it. You’ve seen the footage, but you’ve also seen some pretty impressive behind-the-scenes looks at your favorite movies. Could the landing and subsequent walk be faked? Absolutely!


From one king (or queen) to another, you’re sure Elvis is alive. He’s probably hanging out in a secret room at Graceland, eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich and enjoying life in peace. Maybe he makes the occasional Vegas appearance to marry off a couple or two, sing a few songs, and disappear back into obscurity as just another impersonator. If imitation is the purest form of flattery, he’s probably feeling pretty good about all the wanna-be Elvises out there.


You totally buy into the conspiracy theory that Big Pharma has a hand in certain epidemics. After all, when they come out with a vaccine or treatment, they make the big dollars. So, it’s totally natural that they’d be the ones to perpetuate a problem just to come in to save the day with a solution. Sure, you haven’t seen any real proof, but do you really need to when you know what you know?


You’re totally convinced that Marilyn Monroe was murdered because of her connection to JFK. Your amateur sleuthing hasn’t missed a detail, and you just know that she was carrying his secret love child. Scandalous, right?? It would be so romantic. You know, if it wasn’t for the whole murder thing. But you can totally see it.


The Loch Ness Monster seems legit to you. You’ve seen the pictures. The only thing hanging you up is why it’s not busy eating people because if you were a loch-living prehistoric creature, you totally would.


Not only does Saggy totally buy into the whole Big Foot conspiracy, they’re determined to go out on an adventure and prove it’s legit. Sure, you’ll go solo, and maybe no one will believe you saw what you saw. But you’ll still know, and that’s all that matters.


After binge watching a number of JFK assassination documentaries, you’re absolutely, 100% positive that there was more to the story than we know. It was definitely a conspiracy, and just to make sure, you’ll watch a few more and then update the murder board you probably have at home as you try to solve it yourself.


Maybe everyone has started keeping pretty quiet about the Bermuda Triangle, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a real thing. In fact, your sister’s cousin-in-law’s best friend’s dog groomer once totally disappeared there during a cruise. And you read something about on the Internet, so it must be true!


Area 51 totally has actual aliens on site. Probably a spacecraft or two hidden there also. You’ve seen the signs, the strange crafts flying over, and you know the truth — even if no one else believes it.

Maybe you’ll never prove what you know, but that doesn’t stop you from believing it anyway. And who knows? Maybe you’ve figured out the real story and just can’t prove it. At least, you like to think you have, and we don’t mind if you want to argue the point.

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